I look at my four year old son, so safe, nurtured, cared for, loved… so secure in his little world and thankfully so untouched from any of the ugliness that exists in the universe and I wonder “how do I keep it this way?”
It’s a combination of both the Daniel Morcombe funeral yesterday, the latest schoolies tragedy from earlier this week that has got me dwelling on this, heart heavy. For some reason, just the simple fact he shares the same Christian name as the latest young loss of life during the Schoolies season that makes my blood run cold. (That and the fact my pregnancy hormones are making me more teary than usual!)
I look to my boy, with those beautiful big blue eyes, swathed in innocence and that cheeky grin that is free from the blemish of the stress that walks hand in hand with age, and my first instinct is to lock all the doors, wrap him up so tightly in my arms and never let the world come too close.
I guess I also want to call time out because I know the day looms in my future where he’ll grow up and apart from me – I’ll
no longer be the recipient of his lovely bear hugs that drip with love and
affection; I wont suddenly hear him say to me at the dinner table ‘So Mummy, I was thinking, maybe you and me could go on a date sometime?” and even though at days end I think my ears might bleed because of the fact he has not stopped talking from sun up to sun down, I’ll dread the sounds of silence that go hand in hand with being a teen.
pause – it is indeed a beautiful thing when children are so free of inhibitions – it is also the damn cutest thing to come out of a hugely busy, stressful week and every time I see it my heart swells and cannot help but laugh!
I pray long may he stay this way, so content to be singing and dancing like nobody’s watching 🙂
I’ve been looking for the pause button since day one… for various reasons! All I know is that deep down I’ve always known that they are only mine to observe and adore. x