I’m at the end of a rare week in my life – the first in so many which has not solely resolved around my son.

I guess that’s to be expected when you return to the paid working world. But oh how strange it feels! I never realised but my identity must have become so unconsciously intertwined with that of Harrison’s that I started to feel, well, a little naked without him!

Even on Friday, when the lovely husband granted me a wish for an afternoon of peace to myself to do as I pleased, I felt people were looking at me like I was skiving off work! Why else would a person be seen stretched lazily in the sun at the park reading a book when all and sundry were chained to their desks in the working world? Little did they know I was recovering from a brain overload and lack of sleep… Yet somehow I couldn’t shake the label being stuck to me was that of pure recklessness, like some naughty school girl who’d skulked off before the bell!
I felt I needed my son by my side to show some legitimacy to me being away from work on a weekday…

But, as the old saying goes, absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder! I already find myself looking at my son through different eyes. I’m aware how more precious our time together is; now it’s been limited to 4 days a week. We shared a cuddle in bed this morning, the three of us, and instead of longing for him to snuggle in for an extra 20 mins sleep, and squeezing my eyes tight in the vain hope of such a rare occurrence, I instead found myself absolutely transfixed with watching his little hands waving about the place, his face alight with awe. Mores the pity though I didn’t watch carefully enough because soon one of those seemingly loving hands proceeded to clock me one right on the nose. Par for the course, one supposes, when you are in such close confines…

And now, come the end of each day, I can actually feel what its like to miss my little Harrison, to get excited to see him and look forward to spending time with him, instead of wondering exactly how we’d fill in the hours each seemingly endless day. I also get a taste finally of how Tone feels when he comes home from work; how Harrison’s megawatt smile infused with utterly unconditional love, can melt your heart and make you forget the outside world even exists. Three days a week too I can now look forward to that adoration too!