I don’t know whether to blame the heat, the to-do list, the demanding child, the pregnancy hormones, the morning sickness that seems to keep making a belated reappearance or perhaps all of the above but damn my patience levels are being stretched thin.
Being an Aries, I’ve never been patience personified anyway but lately it’s taken on a whole new non-existent dimension. Every little thing is setting me on edge; the disastrous state of my house with toys scattered from end to end, the Mount Everest of washing that needs to be folded, ironed, packed away… the fact my bathroom floor need to be mopped because my son can’t take proper aim and then tried to clean it up with my freshly hung hand towel, his frustrating habit of selective hearing, meaning by the 3rd time I’m asking him to do something I find myself screeching like a banshee in order to get his attention, a wish list of things I want done before bub is born mocking me from the fridge, seemingly stagnant as there has been either too much else to do, or the complete lack of energy I’m feeling of late… My get up and go is apparently gone AWOL with any energy I have on days like today is reserved for doing battle with the boy who seems to sense I am on edge and is ready to take full advantage.
It has to be the heat taking its toll, I know. Having not been pregnant during such an extreme summer it’s all I can do to explain it. Last time was so different – in fact I always said I never had a problem being pregnant back then, quite enjoyed it even, but this time… not so much fun at all….
I’m starting to think I should lock myself away from the public on the days like today when I’m feeling unwell and my temper is more frayed than the denim shorts of a 14 year old girl. Like earlier, it was all I could do to not snap at the cranky old couple who run the local post office, who took great delight in holding a loud conversation with an older man about how parents today have no idea how to discipline children, how they come into their shop, touch all the merchandise and ignore any requests from mum or dad to stop, have no respect blah blah blah. Of course there was my son doing exactly the same… I almost dared them to say something to me when it was my turn to be served, I felt like I was ready to unleash. Perhaps they saw the glint of a crazed pregnant woman in my eye as they dared not utter a word.
The poor husband and son have had to bear the brunt of this bitchy me and I am sure they shake their head in wonder at how easily I am losing it over the simplest things. Even I am incredulous at myself sometimes but seem powerless to make it stop. Poor husband too has been trying to everything in his power to make life easier for me whenever he can and I am eternally grateful for that. And every night I check one final time on my sleeping son I feel such a rush of guilt for my erratic behaviour its all I can do to stop the other hormones unleashing with a flood of tears!
So, even though this post has been so depressingly pessimistic I’m actually already feeling better from unfurling it from my chest which has to be a good thing, right? Maybe it also will act as a disclaimer if you wonder why I am not acting like myself or be an open letter of apology (in advance) for why I might be best locking myself away from humanity until the heat dies down and I stop feeling like I am spending each day lurching from task to task instead of with a spring in my step.
And hopefully the husband and son can use it to better understand why they feel they are living with an impatient, possessed woman and hopefully still manage to love me – and put up with me! Here’s hoping tomorrow is a (cooler) day, sprinkled with far more positivity and patience!