|Image from here|
You may, quite rightly, wonder why on earth I’ve decided to be so deep (and on a Monday, of all days, when let’s be honest, we are all just trying to get through the first official work day of the week!) But I ask as I was told by a world renowned psychic to watch the movie “The Adjustment Bureau” and that when I did, it would all become clear to me.
And suddenly, strike me down with a lightning bolt, I.Could.See.
For many years I have consoled myself with the knowledge that while I have not lived up to my own (probably very lofty) expectations of success, it all boils down to a decision I made almost 15 years ago which changed the trajectory of my world.
A choice still has had the power to haunt me. Until now.
Straight out of high school, and at tender age of 17 I left all that I held dear to me and enrolled in a University based four hours from home. This was even though I missed out by .09 of a mark in doing the course I so desperately wanted to do but felt pressured to enrol in something. My heart was not in it for many reasons – the course I’d be doing didn’t appeal, I was oh so homesick, not knowing a soul in my new home town, and as well, I’d recently started dating a someone who was now destined to be only a long distance relationship. I was smart enough to know the love wouldn’t last the (literal) distance (he told me as much eventually) but not wise enough to know that it wouldn’t also stretch the figurative distance, after eventually dropping out to be by his side. Because at 18 you know everything, right?
And over the years that have spanned since that defining life choice, there have certainly been times I’ve berated myself, wondering what would have become of me if I’d stayed put in University, as I’d planned.
Perhaps I’d have gone on to be a success in the industry I coveted. But the what if’s can kill you if you let them… Or you can come to look at them in another light and see what you have GAINED from that judgement made in your tempestuous youth. If I’d not
wasted spent 4 years with that man, I’d never have met Adam, who in turn gave me the gift of my husband. Part of the plan? In the end I’d like to think so.
I always consoled myself with the knowledge if I had to choose between the two options I’d rather have my husband’s beautiful presence (and ergo, my son) in my life than all the trappings of writing success I’d envisaged. And besides, it’s by no means been a wasted life; I’ve travelled, seen some of the world’s most amazing sights, made some wonderful friends, worked in a rewarding industry which has given me great opportunities as well. And I’ll say it again, I’d never trade what I have found with my husband for anything else.
Now though, after watching The Adjustment Bureau I’ve decided that much like the ending of the movie (spoiler alert!) I am of the opinion that there CAN be a good sprinkling of both free will and a plan in your world that is open to amendments. And that YOU are ultimately responsible for deciding it all.
I’ll admit I am guilty of coasting along at times, living by the platitude “if its meant to be, it will be” but in reality, that alone can mean not taking full responsibility for making the decisions that shape our worlds.
What this movie has shown me is that if you truly covet something, if you chase it like your life depends on it (literally, in the case of this script!) then your plan will shift to accommodate it.
So, I can no longer comfort myself with the excuse that my missed career opportunities equals happiness in my personal sphere. If I want something so very badly, if I pursue it, desire it, hunger for it, it IS possible to have all that I yearn for in my private life and all that I aspire to in my working world.
I’m not scared anymore. I’ve gained the clarity I so badly needed. There will be no more what if’s, they will be replaced by actions in my plan. And adjustments. If I so choose…
I’m curious to know what your opinions are on this (no doubt) divisive subject – can free will rule our worlds? Are we all just operating to an unchangeable grand plan? Or perhaps its possible to exist with both…