I guess that’s to be expected when you return to the paid working world. But oh how strange it feels! I never realised but my identity must have become so unconsciously intertwined with that of Harrison’s that I started to feel, well, a little naked without him!
Even on Friday, when the lovely husband granted me a wish for an afternoon of peace to myself to do as I pleased, I felt people were looking at me like I was skiving off work! Why else would a person be seen stretched lazily in the sun at the park reading a book when all and sundry were chained to their desks in the working world? Little did they know I was recovering from a brain overload and lack of sleep… Yet somehow I couldn’t shake the label being stuck to me was that of pure recklessness, like some naughty school girl who’d skulked off before the bell!
I felt I needed my son by my side to show some legitimacy to me being away from work on a weekday…
And now, come the end of each day, I can actually feel what its like to miss my little Harrison, to get excited to see him and look forward to spending time with him, instead of wondering exactly how we’d fill in the hours each seemingly endless day. I also get a taste finally of how Tone feels when he comes home from work; how Harrison’s megawatt smile infused with utterly unconditional love, can melt your heart and make you forget the outside world even exists. Three days a week too I can now look forward to that adoration too!